we are winning the war on unemployed janitors

US Airports Raises Security
Government bans beverages, hair gels and lotions after London investigation reveals liquid explosives.

At airports across the United States, employees from the Transportation Security Administration distributed fliers with the new restrictions, and passengers dumped toiletries and other items into hastily provided bins.

Some passengers at Dulles gave away perfumes and other expensive cosmetics to strangers who were dropping their loved ones at the terminal. At banks of pay phones, on top of the phone books, stacks of abandoned tubes of toothpaste, jars of hand cream and bottles of eye drops piled up.

Airport janitors said the need to haul all the discarded items away was keeping them busier than they'd ever been.

There are gonna be a LOT of thirsty, ashy travelers with really bad hair all over the country today.

Today's threat level is: FF0033 Red Red Pink